Tuesday, June 07, 2005

Handling Disappointment....

I just got back yesterday from my latest San Francisco gig...

It was a show featuring three solo pianists - myself, Brenda Warren and Scott D. Davis.

The gig was a total disaster for me, financially speaking. We had less than a dozen present in a theatre that seated over a hundred. So Brenda, Scott and I played to pretty much an empty house. It was too bad, too. Because it was a wonderful venue and a beautiful 7' Mason & Hamlin piano. I enjoyed playing it, and I played well this night.

All three of us who performed speculated as to why the show failed to draw a crowd. I certainly have my opinion, but won't get into that here. I do believe that this could have been a successful show had things been different.

I really fought with anger about the situation afterward. I remember dragging my luggage back up the hill to my rental car and having to pray earnestly about it. I lost about $500 on this show, and that's a lot of money to just say "bye-bye" to. The thing is, I KNOW everything happens for a reason - and the reason I do what I do honestly isn't about the money. Sure, I need to provide for my family, but aside from that, it's not about wealth. It's about ministry. And it's about serving others.

And those are the exact words I kept telling myself over and over - "It isn't about you" - and I think I managed to keep my frustration in check. This was definitely a test of my "flesh" vs. the Spirit within me.

After the show, everyone wanted to go out for dinner together. I balked for a moment, because I really wanted to be alone - to go off and dive into work so I'd feel productive. But I knew that was the emotional response and it wouldn't really, truly be productive - at least not spiritually productive. NOTHING good comes of being alone. People need to be with people. I supressed my desire to retreat and instead, fellowshipped with others.

I had a pleasant time. It's always good to hang with with my bud, Scott, and Brenda and I are becoming good friends too, I think.

Romans 8:28 kept coming to mind - "And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose."

My whole life is a testimony to this verse. I know it and trust it inside and out and yet it's amazing how easily it is to get caught up in the negativity of a particular moment.


I may never know the complete purpose of this particular trip, but my meeting Ana seemed to be one of the main, obvious reasons.

Ana was the one person from my mailing list to turned out for the show. We chatted a bit, and I sat with her while Scott and Brenda played their sets. After the show, I played a special request for Ana - giving her her own little private concert.

I really appreciated Ana being there. It gave me an immediate purpose because even though the theatre was virtually empty during the show, I gave my performance best for her - because she had taken the time to come down to see me.

And so Ana, if you're out there, thank you for coming. You truly made the trip worth it for me.

God is working his purpose out
as year succeeds to year:
God is working his purpose out,
and the time is drawing near;

nearer and nearer draws the time,
the time that shall surely be,
when the earth shall be filled with the glory of God
as the waters cover the sea.

- Arthur Campbell Aigner, 1894

David Nevue


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